The trouble with fairy tales

I've always been a romantic.

When I first started writing in grade school, I would write love poems, even if at the age of ten, I had no idea what real love was. As I moved away from poems and into prose, I found myself writing love stories about best friends falling in love with each other. I collected Sweet Dreams and Love Stories, teenage romance novels that were also about best friends falling in love, or the bad boy falling in love with the good girl, or the jock falling in love with the nerd. Even in adulthood, I gravitate towards chick flicks where the guy always gets the girl in the end.

The trouble with surrounding myself with these fairy tales is that I had become conditioned to believe that love ends with happily ever after. That you may fight a little, but you'll still end up with each other because you're meant to be together! You've found The One! He was right beside you all along!

The thing is, love is nothing like that. As I've learned, love isn't supposed to be easy and it's not even romantic. When you get down to it, love is a conscious decision to be fully present to another person. This means caring about that other person's life, being involved, ready to offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, cheering them on, and really knowing them. It includes knowledge of mundane things like food allergies and random things like being afraid of cats and total darkness. It means knowing a little bit about childhood anecdotes, but not so much that there's nothing new to discover.

Fairy tales never tell you about these things. They don't tell you what happens after the prince and princess rode on the white horse and into the sunset to their happily-ever-after. Does the prince snore and keep the princess awake all night, making her cranky in the morning? Does the princess have an annoying habit of leaving her clothes on the floor instead of putting them in a hamper, like a real princess should? Do they ever argue about which kingdom to visit over the holidays? Fairy tales don't tell you these things because these are issues of real life, which only means that the fairy tale is over and real life has begun.

The trouble with fairy tales is it makes you believe that real life is not a story in itself. I suppose it's why a lot of couples like to say "the honeymoon is over!" when troubles begin to arise. But I've found that real life is so much more interesting than the fairy tale. After all, there is beauty in the way the prince makes a cup of coffee for the princess as a way of apologizing for keeping her up. Everyone has annoying habits because no one is perfect. And arguing --if done correctly-- is a way of challenging each other and can teach you both a thing or two about yourselves to make you better people.

Now, when I read a book or watch a movie, I see it for what it is: a work of fiction. Because once you turn the last page and the credits roll, the more beautiful story called Real Life continues.

A love affair with words

While most people like to post photos of food or their outfits of the day, a look at my Instagram profile revealed to me that I like to post about words.

A couple of months ago, when the days were dark, I liked to look for quotes that inspired me to have a more positive outlook. I would post them in my Instagram account in the hope that someone else would also be inspired by it. It's the tech version of reading The Warrior of the Light by Paulo Coelho and writing on my journal after meditating.

Now that I've started reading and writing again, I find myself taking photos of passages that speak to me. Lately, I've started making very short poems-- just four lines, always about love, turned into an image using the Phoster app on my iPhone.

I don't know why I just realized it now that words have always been very important to me, so I've always felt that they're worth posting and sharing. Now that I'm a writer by profession, I suppose you can say I have an ongoing love affair with words.

It makes me realize that perhaps I've always

What I learned from writing about one-night stands

Let me just put it out there: in this month's issue of Men's Health Philippines, aside from writing about how to beat procrastination, I wrote an article on one-night stands.

I hesitated about promoting the article because I worried about what my more traditional and conservative friends and family would say about me writing about such a topic. But then I realized, what I write about is not necessarily what I believe or condone. (Plus, it's a six-page major feature-- in terms of milestones, it's right up there with the cover story for Good Housekeeping that I did in 2010. How can I not be proud?!)

I have always chosen to look at the reality and not the morality of situations because I feel I am never in a position to pass judgment on the way people choose to live their lives, in the same way that I would not want to be judged for the way I've chosen to live mine. And there are many different realities that I've come across in this world: people cheat on their loved ones, people stay with the ones they love. People choose to give it to someone they love, someone they just met, someone they don't love; people choose to save it for the one they'll marry. People wait for The One to arrive, people actively look for The One. Whether all of this is good or bad is up to them to decide for themselves.

Which is not to say that I don't have my own opinions and feelings about things like these. For example, when I find out that someone is cheating on a partner, it really ticks me off, having been cheated on myself. But my stance is always this: I hope they know what really matters to them at the end of the day, what they're risking, what the consequences are, and that they won't regret the decisions they've made when the time comes. I can say what I want about how cheating is wrong and all that, but ultimately, it's your life to live. No one should ever tell you how to live your life.

Besides, with all of these differences in experiences, decisions, and ways of living, there is so much to learn from others. Rather than judge, I choose to learn. My life is richer and my view is wider because of it. Through the years, I've learned to respect and accept views and experiences that are very different from mine, and I think it's interesting that such a variety of experiences, opinions, and emotions exist, all in just one world we live in.

So in writing this article, I learned what drives women to engage in one-night stands. I learned that evolution has a role in courtship, in the way men and women enter and view relationships, in the way we see sexuality. As a writer, it is my responsibility to share these insights so that men who do choose to engage in one-night stands can be better informed about how their partner feels as well. It was my privilege to hear the stories of women who trusted me enough to share their experiences on something that hardly anyone talks about so candidly-- and it's therefore my duty to do justice to their stories.

I'm proud of this article because I've never written anything like it before, and I hope that you'll learn something from it too. The December issue of Men's Health Philippines is available in newsstands, bookstores, and supermarkets nationwide (writing that phrase just brought back a whole lot of memories of my past life in PR!) and I hope you'll drop me a line to let me know what you think. :)

The Happiness Project

"You hit a goal, you keep a resolution."

Photo from Google Images

I just finished reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, and one thing it made me realize-- I'm pretty happy with my life.

It was at the end of the book that I realized this, when I was reading her tips on how to start your own happiness project. It said that aside from thinking of what makes you feel good, you should also think of areas in your life that make you feel bad, that don't feel right, that require more growth. Looking at the big picture of my life, I'm in a good place. But upon closer examination, there are areas I want to improve on:

1. Exercise more often. Because the book suggests making it a concrete, actionable goal, I need to set a specific time of day to get on the treadmill. On the days that I have work, I plan to park much farther than I usually do so that it's a considerable walk to the office.

2. Find time for prayer. Honestly, I end my day with a phone call from my fiance, not with prayer. I don't start my day with prayer either, and just find myself talking to God randomly throughout the day. Which is not a bad thing, but there had been a point in my life where I was able to meditate and write on my journal on a daily basis. I need to carve out some quiet time in my life, and I think it entails waking up earlier every day.

3. Read a book. A confession: I love reading in the toilet. Where other people bring a magazine or the newspaper, I bring my books. But ever since I got an iPad (and later on, an iPhone), I found myself using Toilet Time to browse Facebook instead. I decided to bring back my old habit by starting with The Happiness Project and realized that I could actually work through my never-ending book list by reading just a chapter every day, one book at a time. It would be a bonus if I could find the time to lounge in my big chair with a book, but at least I've come up with a minimum requirement.

4. Blog more often. Being able to blog on a daily basis seems to be a difficult goal to achieve. Not only because I'm busy with work, but I also find that I don't have so much to share every day. When I was much younger, I had an opinion on everything and itched to blog, sometimes more than once a day, every day. But as I grew older, I realized that you don't have to have an opinion about everything, and even if you do, the whole world doesn't need to know about it. Editing my thoughts and the words that come out of my mouth has been a worthy exercise all these years because it means that I try to say things that I mean and in the precise way that I want to say them. I do want to keep this blog going though, so I think I just need to be realistic about how often I want to share things that are actually meaningful and worth talking about. Maybe once a week is doable?

5. Spend more time offline. Now that I have a job that requires me to be online and "always on" (and I have the gadgets to make it easier to really be always on, anytime, anywhere), I need to make a conscious effort to unplug and spend some time offline. When I think about it, some of what I can do for my job can actually be done offline, like brainstorming or mapping out a structure, then I can just go online again to flesh out the ideas. There is something to be said about sitting away from a computer, thinking without looking at a screen, getting up to stretch every so often. And because my work requires me to be online much of the time, as much as possible I'd like to spend my non-work hours offline.

I suppose these five things are enough for now. The book actually encourages you to come up with things like your Splendid Truths (which are basically words you live by), or a list of things that make you happy, but there is a danger for me to get caught up in making the lists, such that I forget about actually getting up to do something. So maybe it's better that I've started with the resolutions, right as the year draws to a close. At least I have time for a bit of a dry run!

Farewell to the Twenties

An article on Buzzfeed has been popping up on my Facebook timeline: Every Year of your 20s, Ranked from Worst to Best. It made me realize that I entered this new decade without really taking the time to say farewell to my twenties. With so many things happening this year, I already know what my 30s will be like: new beginnings, new chapters, new adventures. But what have I left behind in the past ten years?

So, I'm taking the time on this lazy Saturday to hit two birds with one stone: exercise my writing-for-leisure skills by updating my blog, and reflect on the past ten years at the same time. I'll be using the Buzzfeed article's ranking to see if it's accurate (haha):

AGE 23 (year 2006): While I'd like to say that Buzzfeed got this all wrong because this was the year that I rekindled a friendship with the man who is now my fiance, a deeper look into that year reveals all of the challenges that came with it. It was the year I started my career in media relations, and I had no idea what I was getting into! In my first few months, all of my bosses resigned one after the other, and by the time I was a few months shy of 24, our team effectively had no boss. It was the year that I learned everything from experience, and just had to roll with the punches as they came. A roller-coaster year I'm not sure I would relive.

But on the bright side, before I said farewell to Age 23, I was able to travel with my girl friends out of the country for the first time. That trip to Hongkong opened my eyes to how different traveling with friends was-- taking the train at midnight to go to the Night Market, waking up at 9:30AM to have breakfast at McDonalds, walking down the streets of Hongkong without a clear agenda. That trip is forever stamped in my memory.

AGE 20 (year 2003): Third year college. I'm trying to think long and hard about anything that strikes me about that year, but all I can think of is that this was the year we started learning Philosophy and Theology, and that I got together with my ex. Ho-hum. Next!

AGE 26 (year 2009): This is the year I got diagnosed with acid reflux, and nothing was ever the same again. How horrible. But this was also the year that I was able to visit Bangkok with a good friend. It felt amazing to travel with just one other person who also shares the same interests, and we made a very good decision to visit the ancient capital Ayutthaya. That was a great trip.

AGE 24 (year 2007): The Year Without a Boss. One full year of our team fending for ourselves. But it was also a year where we had the most fun as a team and became our own little family. We didn't know it then, but it would also be our last year in our old office-- the end of an era.

This wasn't such a bad year, as I was able to travel to Pagudpud with my girl friends, again with zero planning on our part. Even now, we laugh at the memory of how we got out of the Laoag airport, how some of us got drunk on videoke night, and how eight girls fit into two tricycles for a tour around the area.

AGE 27 (year 2010): I distinctly remember being on a radio tour with one of my favorite editors, and she had asked me how old I was turning since my birthday was coming up. When I said I was turning 27, she said, "That's an exciting year." And it truly was. So many milestones happened this year. On the work front, I got promoted to assistant manager, then to acting manager a few months after. Then my boyfriend and I were able to take our first out-of-town trip together with friends, and that trip to Bantayan, Cebu was his first time ever to ride an airplane. That was also my first time to travel with a new set of friends from the workplace. There are so many happy memories from that trip, and Bantayan remains to be the best beach we've been to, in his opinion.

AGE 21 (year 2004): Senior year in college. I remember feeling on top of the world on this year. I was in leadership positions in my organizations, and I always felt like I was passing the baton to the younger generation. We were looking forward to the Real World. My friends and I worked through our thesis and I learned to survive on coffee and M&Ms at 3AM. Even now, I don't know how that thesis got written because I remember how we had to watch all those movies, how I learned to use the microfilm machine at the library, and how I slept through my favorite History class because I was running on zero, but I have no recollection of actually writing and proofreading our thesis. All I know is this year, as challenging as it was, had me feeling like I could do anything and be anything.

AGE 29 (year 2012): This is where Buzzfeed gets it wrong. It was a horrible year on the work front. A year of disappointment and disillusionment. A reality check. I felt like I was in limbo all year, not sure of where everything was going. I left my first job and got into a new one that didn't prove to be the best decision. It was a year of failure. But then, not being used to failing, I guess it was a year that was necessary for growth. The traveling kept me sane this year-- South Korea, Puerto Princesa, and Boracay all in one year! Plus, I made some new friends, so it wasn't all that bad.

AGE 25 (year 2008): The year we moved to a new office. The year I made new friends at work. The year I started to take on a leadership role at work. And the year we finally got more than just a boss, but a great mentor. It was the year I started feeling confident in what I was doing, and that I was put in this profession for a reason.

AGE 22 (year 2005): Again, Buzzfeed got it wrong. Horrible year, thanks to the Ex! This was the worst year ever, but I suppose it's also the one with the most stories to tell. Wasting time in the office in a pseudo-job that basically meant we were being paid to use the Internet to learn more Photoshop and look for a better job, drinking at 2PM, drinking with friends, being stupid about love and broken promises-- gosh let's just skip this year all together!

AGE 28 (year 2011): Strangely, Buzzfeed calls this the best year ever, but I don't remember anything striking about this year. Sure, I felt more confident at work, my relationship was secure, friendships were solid. But other than that, I wouldn't say this was the best year.


When people ask me what year or age I will always come back to, I think I will always say this year, the year I turned 30. This is the year that I worked up the courage to follow my dreams, the year I got engaged, the year I finally felt I am where I'm supposed to be. My twenties proved to be a decade of growth, of forging lasting friendships and relationships with people, of ending unhealthy relationships, of seeing more of the world, of making memories that I wouldn't necessarily relive. What a relief to bid farewell to that decade! I can't wait to see what this new decade has in store!

All shall be well

Photo from Pinterest

They say every girl has a dream wedding, one that she's been putting together ever since she was a little girl. I can't say I'm one of those girls, because I've never really thought about it until we started talking seriously about the future. My dreams, like me, are simple-- I just want it to be an affair where everyone has a lot of fun, enjoys good food (preferably a ton of seafood), and come together in a place that's not some boring ballroom or function hall. As much as possible, I want to go beyond the confines of four walls and have a place that looks out into something, whether it's a garden or a great view. But more than anything, I want it to be a practical, cost-efficient affair, especially since we have a place that we're saving up for.

In the two months since I've gotten engaged, we've been busy checking out possible reception venues. As it turns out, while there are many venues that fit my beyond-four-walls criteria, there are so many other things that also need to be considered: the presence of air-conditioning, the location and its proximity to the church, and most of all, the budget. I've been looking through beautiful photos and having my heart broken a little when I see the cost estimates, and sometimes when the venue is not as pretty in real life as I had thought it would be.

So today, I was feeling a little blue after receiving yet another over-the-budget cost estimate from a beautiful venue, and I texted my fiance (I still need to get used to calling him this!) that I was kinda down. He replied, "Don't be. :) Things are going well for us. :D"

Seeing that text made me realize that I had lost sight of the bigger picture: we are planning for the rest of our lives together. This wedding is just one day, a tiny speck in forever. And I'm lucky to have a guy who is able to keep my worries at bay by reassuring me that everything will fall into place, who is able to see all of this planning and preparation as an adventure that we're embarking on together. The first of many more adventures that we'll take. At the end of the day, we could get married in Timbuktu but what would still matter is that we're together.

So I take a deep breath and claim this: we will get the date that we want, in the church that we want, we'll get a great venue where our families will come together, and we'll get all the suppliers that are right for us. All it takes is faith that everything will work out as it should-- happily ever after.

Living the dream

Photo from Pinterest

It's been a long time since I've posted something. So much has been going on that I haven't had time to really step back and make sense of everything. It feels as though every day, I've just been going with the flow of wherever life takes me, and yet I know exactly where I'm going: where my heart tells me to.

Who would've thought I'd end up in Advertising, though? I always swore I'd never get into it, like I said in a previous entry. But it's been almost two months, and I realize that my previous jobs prepared me for this kind of job-- having accounts to service, coming up with content and strategy to promote a brand, taking care of a brand's image in the digital space. And yet everything is also new, as the digital world --particularly the world of social media-- is so exciting. A decade ago, Facebook didn't exist. Five years ago, smartphones weren't the norm. And yet today, almost everyone has a Facebook account, and more and more people are accessing the Internet and their social media platforms on a mobile device. I suddenly have front-row seats to what will happen three, five years from now: will Facebook still be the way it is? Will a new social media platform be born? Will some of the platforms we thought we couldn't live without die (RIP, Multiply and Friendster)? How will technology continue to shape and change the way we connect to each other? It's so refreshing to belong in this ever-changing world!

The thing with this job is that it has full-time demands while still giving me the freedom to keep my own hours. While I'm crafting social media content for my accounts, I'm also writing feature articles and advertorials. These past two months, I've been very thankful that my friends in the industry have been giving me work, and that I've encountered new people who are also trusting in my ability to deliver. I am so grateful for the chance to have my name in publications I never thought I could really write for, and that I'm given the opportunity to meet new people, hear new stories, and tell them in the best way I can. Slowly but steadily, I'm building my name and getting paid while I'm at it.

Which is a good thing, because I need to work hard and save a lot, now more than ever. The most exciting thing has been getting engaged. For someone like me who loves to plan, I am raring to do all the planning! My dream wedding is a practical and budget-friendly one, and I love the challenge of finding suppliers and packages that give you bang for buck. So in between the social media content and the writing, I've also been doing lots of researching, pinning on Pinterest, and making Powerpoint presentations compiling my ideas. The wedding is a long way off, and it's a good thing because we're determined to have fun throughout the process of planning it. It is, after all, a celebration! We're attending our first bridal fair next month, and we can't wait-- I'm so excited that I'm researching on the suppliers that will be there. He's so lucky I love to plan! Maybe after this, I can also freelance as a wedding planner. Haha!

All of this happened when I started saying "Yes" to my dreams and following my heart. I had always dreamed of keeping my own hours, doing what I love to do, and still being productive. And now, that's my reality. I just have to keep trusting that He will provide for me, one day at a time. What a blessing to be able to live my dreams!

Here's hoping you have the courage to say "Yes" to your dreams, too. :)

Be a light

Photo from Pinterest

Many people search for their purpose in life. Without being too dramatic about it, I recently realized mine: to be a light to others.

Sometimes, when I look back at the past year, it seems as though I had been digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole, sinking into a darkness that I eventually felt I needed to get out of in order to survive. My reflections on why God had put me in that situation have so far been quite self-centered: I needed to learn to toughen up, I needed to learn some harsh realities about people and the world, I needed to realize what was important to me. All about I, Me, and Myself.

Then I realized that I wasn't alone in this darkness. Many others were feeling it too, and we were all starting to feel dark and dreary and gloomy. It was only then that I realized that God put me there to be a light in the darkness, to bring some positivity into all the negative things happening. So I tried my best to be cheerful, to focus on the positive, to lift people's spirits, to laugh with my friends, and basically try to live a life of love, one day at a time.

Now I realize that regardless of where you find yourself --whether it's an office, at home, within a group of friends, or with a loved one-- everyone is struggling. Everyone is trapped in their own darkness and dealing with their own demons, whatever they may be. I'm most definitely not exempt from this, as I have my own issues too. But instead of focusing on myself and my issues, I find that I can fight my own demons by trying to be a light in your darkness, someone who can help you fight those demons, someone who can stay positive when you feel like giving up. After all, you can only fight evil with goodness.

So as much as possible, I try not to rant (both in real life and in this blog). I focus instead on the blessings, on the everyday miracles, on seeing God work through others, on love. Maybe if I try to shine the spotlight on all the good things in life, it's only a matter of time before others see it too, and positivity will be like a good epidemic that spreads throughout the entire world.

Whether it's through this blog or in the little things that I say and do, I just hope that I have been a light for you. 

Say YES!

In my first week as a full-time freelancer, I have been very, very blessed.

As I mentioned in my last post, Monday marked my first day working in advertising, when I said and thought I never would. Thankfully, I can relate to the brands that were assigned to me, and one is a brand that I actually use. I am blessed to be working in a fun environment where there is still so much potential for growth, both for the entire team and for each individual. Even if I'll only be in the office twice a week, I realized that even as a freelancer, it's still important to cultivate relationships with people. No man is an island, and you need the help of other people to survive in this jungle. And I'm happy to see as early as my first week that I am part of a group that is supportive and open.

On the days that I stayed home, I found myself falling into this routine. When I was still working full time, I got up everyday at 5:30 AM to have breakfast with my dad. Now, I'm able to wake up at 7:30 AM to have breakfast with my mom. Afterwards, I watch a bit of TV before brisk-walking on the treadmill and getting a bit of exercise. I cherish these moments because it reminds me that freelancing has given me the chance to really make time for the important things: quality time with my loved ones and taking care of my health. 

I am proud to say that for someone like me who is bordering on being a narcoleptic (I think I can fall asleep anytime, anywhere), I have not taken a single afternoon nap this entire week. I work in my room, where the bed is just a cartwheel away, but I have really been working. And so far, my hard work at putting myself out there has paid off because now I have assignments for two magazines and need to work on two advertorials as well.

I did have one apprehension though: all of their deadlines are next week. With my advertising job plus these four gigs happening simultaneously, I wasn't sure I was up to the task. And then I realized, I should JUST SAY YES. These opportunities are blessings, and you don't just turn blessings away. If He brought me to this, He will also bring me through this. And as someone who is new to freelancing, I can't afford to turn away from these opportunities. I have to be prepared to juggle all these balls and wear all these hats, and see how far I can go. If I don't push myself to the maximum, I'll never know my limit. The only way you'll know is if you try.

So yes, yes, yes! Say yes to everything! If something new comes your way and you're not sure if you can do it, just say yes! Because you never know, that may be when the magic happens and you learn just what you're capable of. Have a great weekend!

Never say never!

If there was one thing I had been sure of after college, it was that I would never work in advertising.

I took up an Introduction to Advertising class during my junior year, and my professor had succeeded in convincing me that advertising was not a field that you entered just to see what it's like, or just for fun. If you didn't have the heart and the stomach for industry, you wouldn't survive in such a crazy world.

So I never considered it, never applied. Even if I'm a writer, copywriting is not a skill I would put in my resume, and I am no good at coming up with slogans or messages that can be communicated completely in just a phrase. My friends in advertising also told stories that confirmed that the world was, indeed, crazy. But they loved it anyway.

Today I learned that you should never say never. Because as it turns out, today was my first day working in advertising. Of course, my department is actually under the public relations group, so it's not a complete departure from what I used to do. But this job will expose me to working with clients of one of the world's top advertising, marketing, and public relations agencies. Something I never thought I would do.

I realized that in saying "never", I had effectively closed my doors on all the lessons this world could offer, on the challenges that could help me become a better professional. So, never say never. Always leave some room to change your mind about things because it's the only way to grow and learn something new.

I'm glad that I somehow found my way into this world and that I decided to open this door, even if it meant eating my words. I'm excited to see where this new journey takes me.