Facing my fears

Photo from Pinterest



I received an email last night from my editor (the one that assigned the story with four moms), saying that they would like to include me in their Contributors page. One of the things I had to supply was "A fear that I was able to overcome." My answer was a not-so-subtle way of formally promoting myself as a freelance writer: "I've always had a fear of the unknown and unpredictable, and I conquered it by jumping into the world of freelance! Talk about facing my fears!"

All shameless plugging aside, my answer was true and from the heart. I have always feared the unknown and unpredictable. I always like situations where I am in control. I don't like driving in unfamiliar places because I don't like getting lost. If I have to go somewhere for the first time, I whip out my map and analyze all possible routes. And while driving, I always feel panicky until I arrive safely at the destination.

Even when traveling, I like to research a lot, even making little Powerpoint presentations that include possible tourist attractions, options for hotel accommodations, and a cost estimate. I don't know if my travel companions appreciate this or are slightly freaked out. I make up for this by enjoying every bit of the trip and not sticking to a schedule unless we have to (like when you  have to catch certain shows or make sure that you get to ride on the last train home).

So to jump into the world of freelance, where the next paycheck and next job are both a mystery, definitely counts as facing my fears. As early as now, I'm realizing that it takes a lot of confidence and optimism to make it. For an introvert like me, I constantly have to push myself to put myself out there and rekindle old friendships-- not just because I want and need a job, but also because I genuinely want to work with these people again. As my last assignment taught me, you can learn so many things from other people. So working with old friends is sure to teach me a lot of new things.

Optimism is also required because scouring the Internet for jobs is not as easy as they make it out to be. Job postings on Craigslist.org are all very vague, bordering on shady, that I'm not sure if I can get a legitimate gig out of it. It's also a dog-eat-dog world at Freelancer.ph because you have to bid for projects, and it seems that people are willing to bid very low just to be assured of the job-- so how do you get a job at the price you need to command to survive? I'm currently learning the ropes at ODesk.com, so we'll see how that goes. So now I have to learn how to draw the line between being discerning and picky, how to exercise just the right amount of caution when it comes to these online jobs, and still stay optimistic that jobs can, indeed, be found online.

I saw this quote on Pinterest and realized that I need to hold on to it right now. To make it in these early stages of rebuilding my career, I need to trust that there is a plan for me, and that I'm on the right track. The idea of being in complete control of my time and doing what I love is still quite foreign to me, but since He has been providing for me, I'm hoping that it's only a matter of time before I stop being paranoid that I should be overworking myself and stressing out, instead of enjoying myself with what I'm doing.